Tuesday, December 11, 2007

It's Been Quite A While

I haven't posted in some time...because....I don't have anything to say.....I don't know what to say.....It's all been said.....No reason really. I have just been busy and not a whole lot has been going on with China adoptions. Referrals are moving at a snails pace as usual.

It is hard for me to believe that we are closing in on 22 months of waiting (since LID) and still really with no end in sight! The CCAA has now referred parents who were logged in through December 14th 2005. So there are 2 months and 2 days worth of LID's until they get to ours. When stated this way it doesn't sound so bad! But, when you consider that as an average, for the last 6 months, they have only been referring 6.16 days per month that means for them to get through those 63 days until our LID would take 10.22 months! This would mean a referral in October or November of 2008!! 2 years and 8 or 9 months from LID to referral! Oh God, I can't believe I just typed that! It's going to speed up right??? There are less people logged in late December and January....right??? If we did not get a referral until November of 2008, that could mean we would not even travel until 2009! That couldn't/wouldn't happen....right?!

Really, I know there are no answers to any of these questions. And by now I am completely aware of the fact that pretty much any scenario is possible. Funny thing is though, after nearly 2 years, I have finally been able to kind of accept the wait and the fact that I have no control over what happens. Maturity??? Acceptance??? Resolve??? Maybe...or maybe I have just been beat down by all of this just going from bad to worse for so long that I have surrendered! No matter the cause, I suppose it is good for my emotional health to not be so stressed about the situation.

Ultimately, Willow will be home with us where she belongs. We will be the family that I have dreamed of for SO long. We will look back and remember the wait and think "wow...that was a LONG wait"...but I bet not remember the pain or the agony it has been from time to time. I can sit here right now and close my eyes and see Willow...see her beautiful shiny black hair....see her sweet innocent smile....and see something deep in those stunning dark eyes of hers, that maybe...just maybe there is a little more of a mischievous girl than the innocent girl in there...but sweet none the less! For all of these reasons, for the vision of her I have in my head, for the great volume of my heart that she has already taken up...we wait. And wait....and will wait until it is "time" and then we will go get Willow and bring her home to her family. Because this is what is meant to be. And all will be good with the world!